Friday, July 26, 2013

"Nailed It" Guest Post


Marquette here and I'm back from Girls Camp! Camp was wonderful, but I am sure glad to be home, clean, and in a building with only 2 other people in it. But I'd go back in a heartbeat. It was great. 

Last week I asked my friend Lauren if she would be interested in doing a guest post for us. She is the author of "The Diaries of a Wimpy Mom", a hilarious blog about what it's really like to be a mom. I'm not even a mom yet and I find her blog hilarious. You should check it out. She posted up her guest post on her blog, which I'm reposting here today for you to enjoy. So without further ado, I give you Lauren's Pinstrosity diary entry: 

Dear Diary, 

     Last week, I tried doing my nails all cute-like. You know how Pinterest has so many fabulous ideas on how to make you look glamorous? Well, I gave it a shot. I went with the style below, since I was heading to California to relax on the beach. Very lovely nails, am I right? 



     

     Here's how mine turned out: 


     Not so fabulous. Can you even tell my middle finger has an anchor on it? (Don't answer that.) Not to mention, about ten minutes into this nail makeover, two of my nails chipped. Fifty points goes to the first person who can tell me what the secret is to not chipping your nails. More polish? Less polish? Clear top coat? HELP. I'm going to go ahead and classify this project as a Pinstrosity. For those of you who don't know what Pinstrosity is, you have to check it out. It's a blog that takes submissions from fellow Pinteresters (like myself) whose projects don't *quite* turn out the way Pinterest portrays them. It's very entertaining. 

            As for our vacation, I learned the following: 

*Life in general is easier when you have a wiener. Yes, a wiener.My toddler had to use the restroom (while driving) more times than I could count and I was just grateful it wasn't me instead. I imagined me squatting there, at the edge of the running board, parked on the shoulder of the I-10 with both the passenger and backseat door open to hide my nakedness, balancing a squat, yet still having a stream of urine heading southward down my legs as a police officer pulls over and arrests me for indecent exposure. The horror. 


*People living in beach homes like to use sheer curtains. Even to cover the bathroom window. The one right next to the shower. Maybe I need to be more like Tobias Funke; I'd worry less. 


*Wheels don't roll in the sand. Hauling a wagon full of 53 pounds of human flesh, a boogie board, a Camelbak, and a gym bag full of beach toys/towels is a full blown workout. I kind of felt like this. Notice there is no horse. I was the horse. Some of you are asking, "Where was your husband?" Oh, he was just dropping our car off at the shop. (See below). 



*Life is not that fun when your air conditioner goes out 2 hours into your 6+ hour drive. 



*Chick-Fil-A doesn't taste as good in CA. 


*Polaroid moments are not as Polaroidy when you try to whip out your camera phone to take a picture only to realize the camera part doesn't work because it previously took a dive into the toilet. 


*Sand will find it's way into every crack in your body. We spent many minutes cleaning out sandy hineys. (Where was this stuff when I went last weekend? And more importantly, what's it made of...?)


*Without the MAP app on our phones, we'd have eaten the same thing every day and only gone to the beach and back. 


*CA has more interstates than anywhere I've ever seen. 


*There are more ugly parts of CA than pretty parts. (Sorry, Californians. The people are super nice, though!)


*The Goodwills in CA are not as good as the ones in AZ. ($2.99 for a VHS? Come on.)


*Private parts are not very fond of 50 degree ocean water. 







*And last but not least, driving with a feisty infant is extremely masochistic. My daughter is the embodiment of a shaken two liter of Diet Coke with a Mentos dropped into it, strapped to a rocket and taken on a roller coaster. 

     But all in all, we had a blast and our first family vacation was a success. 

Sincerely, 

Me. The Wimpy Road Tripper. 

12 comments:

  1. As a nailart lover, I'm familiar to the hit-and-miss - only half of my work goes online, the rest gets quickly erased! I find that the trick to being chip free is (a) good base coat and top coat (b) rather use 2/3 thin coats than 1 thick coat (c) wrap tips. Hope that helps :)

    Laura Jane
    www.whimsyisforever.com

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  2. Love it! Loved California but much too cold for me to get in the ocean! Us Texans like it blazing hot when we swim!

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  3. The nails didn't turn out very bad, especially for the first try! Use top coat against chipping, Lauren, ANY top coat will do. Didn't the original manicure instructions mention it? Reapply every couple of days or when it feels necessary. Many people recommend Seche Vite. I have Maybelline and it's pretty good.

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  4. I had to laugh at the part about sand in every crack of your body. I live on the coast and have two little boys.... buh-lieve me, I know about sandy cracks. I've never seen the "Sand Gone" product, but I am here to tell you: baby powder. Or just plain cornstarch.

    Take a bottle with you to the beach (I leave one in both of my cars). After you're done for the day, stand in the parking lot and dust the kids down liberally with the baby powder. The baby powder absorbs the moisture and breaks the bond of the sand to the skin. The sand will just dust off. It's amazing. It gets all the sand out of all the cracks. Try it next time you go to the beach!

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  5. Baby powder for the sand. Yes, it works. Yes, I've tried it. Yes, I live in California (but not in the hellhole that is Los Angeles - that place is insane).

    And yes, most of California looks like a brown desert because, well, IT IS!

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  6. Sally Hansen Insta-Dri Anti-Chip Top Coat. Red bottle. Awesome stuff, literally insta-dry, you'll get tired of the color on your nails before it wears off.

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  7. The horror. As someone who lives 20 minutes from the beach I can personally attest to the fact that sand does indeed get EVERYWHERE. You are a brave soul. I would have quit the trip as soon as the air gave out. Thanks for sharing your adventure! I needed the laugh!

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  8. Holy crap! That's my little podunk town in that picture!!! Good ol' Tehachapi mountains!

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  9. The difficulty in removing sand from crevices is why sex on the beach is a fun concept, but not practice. =)

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  10. I'd like to add that I realized nail art is much easier the professional way: put adhesive nails on a platform and paint, wait to dry, add to fingers :P

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  11. Sand Gone? Willing to bet it's just cornstarch! Baby powder is a LIFESAVER at the beach!

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